The Nudge Report (9/17/2021)
…Rebuilding lives!
Repairing homes, Revitalizing communities, Rebuilding lives
A couple of weeks ago I lifted up the first 2 words of our mission statement: Repairing homes… as the main thing we do. Today, I’d like to focus on the last 2 words of our mission: Rebuilding lives.
Deserving?
I have had more discussions than I would have imagined I would have revolving around the following “concern.” I was recently asked this question: “How do we determine if an applicant is deserving of our help?” I simply answered if they live in an unsafe or unhealthy home, we try to help.
I could tell there was more here than was being said. This person pressed me a bit on if the applicant was willing to assist in repairs, if the family was willing to assist, if the family was grateful for the work being done, if the family had exhausted all other options (and were able to document their efforts) etc.
I reiterated if they live in an unsafe or unhealthy home, we try to help. This got me thinking that this mindset was more prevalent than I had expected in this community.
Sensitivity…
In several other organizations I’ve been involved with, the volunteers are required to take some “sensitivity training” before being permitted to interact with the community being served. In the ASP world, they embrace something called the “Three S’s” – safety, sensitivity and stewardship. Most work teams have intentional training about what sensitivity means in Appalachian culture, prior to being on a work site or meeting the homeowner.
For me…
I have never been homeless or unable to buy food or experienced a daily existence in an unsafe or unhealthy home. I had the incredible insight to choose to be born in the United States to wonderful, loving parents. For me, even imagining a different kind of life where I didn’t have the resources I’ve always had access to - is virtually impossible.
Until…
I met a lawyer from New York City. I met a doctor from Puerto Rico. I met a successful restauranteur from Germany. I met all these guys at a homeless shelter - in Philadelphia.
I met a woman that had worked for a large corporation for many years and had a pension. I met a retired senior who served our country in the armed forces. I met a mother of two who had a full-time job. I met all these neighbors - in Kent County.
Who is deserving?
Rebuilding Together doesn’t have any process for determining if someone is deserving of our help. There’s no Rebuilding rubric to determine if someone is worthy of assistance. (Even the income requirement is something affiliates have adopted - mostly to comply with accepting government funding.)
“We accept people right where they are, just the way they are.” - Tex Evans, founder of ASP
I’d like to think Rebuilding Together Kent County embraces a similar philosophy.
My Nudge for today…
Is for me! I thought that deserving people always looked like the man in the picture at the top of this post. It took me a long time - and meeting the homeless and meeting neighbors living VERY DIFFERENT lives - that I was able to begin to have a bit of a Paradigm Shift. It didn’t happen overnight - kind of like the Velveteen Rabbit becoming real.
I need to be reminded that the neighbors we serve are people. They’re people that find themselves in an unsafe or unhealthy home. And that’s what we look at - we accept our neighbors right where they are! We don’t attempt to determine how they arrived at their present situation. We don’t judge past decisions made.
I appreciate your listening to what’s been on my heart. Having multiple conversations, since I became the Executive Director, like the one I described above, nudged me to share and to hope we will accept people right where they are.
Remember…
The Main Thing Is to Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing - Stephen Covey
If you want to dig a bit deeper, read the story after my name. This is the exact nudge I’m attempting to make here!
- Wayne
This is from a blog I found (John.do)
I think often about the incredible story that Stephen Covey shared in his well-known work, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He shares the power of what he calls a “Paradigm Shift” in an experience he had on a subway in New York:
I remember a mini-Paradigm Shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly — some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.
The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.
It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.”
Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. “Your wife just died? Oh, I’m so sorry. Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?” Everything changed in an instant.
Many people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life-threatening crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different light, or when they suddenly step into a new role, such as that of husband or wife, parent or grandparent, manager or leader.
It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors. But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our basic paradigms.
I love how Covey ends this segment with a quote from Thoreau:
In the words of Thoreau, “For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.” We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flow.
Rebuilding Together Kent County is the most impactful nonprofit in Kent County!
Repairing homes, revitalizing communities, rebuilding lives. Safe homes and communities for everyone.
…ending substandard housing in our community!